Regrets
by Eve Daughter of Darkness
Summary: PG because of Death. Um... sad... sorta sappy... 1xR, a bit of Dorothy bashing, not much.
1. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing… OH MAN! I'm only writing this to make me feel worse. Welcome to write anything to me. Flames, accepted, too. Have fun reading. AN is Author's Note. There's very few of those, I think one. 

Heero Yuy walked down the beach, after hid his Gundam in the sand in the isolated place. It was winter, and no one goes to the beach in the winter. In fact, no one ever goes to the beach anymore at all, because Earth, with all its beauty and glory has gone into a war and Gaia, the mother of Earth, herself has to fear for her life. It was truly the war to end all wars. Heero loved the beach, not because it's a place to hang out and be cooled by the cold water in the hot summer, but a place, so calming so quiet, that he could hear the ocean whispering, and he listened. Another reason was because no one would ever think of this place to find him, for he's not a guy reputed to go to the beach often. In fact, in the other's mind, he probably avoided the place like a plague. He probably would, except in the winter, when no one else is there, and he needed a place to just calm himself so desperately, he would come here, and he could unwind all the pressure and just actually _relax. _The beach…. It's so beautiful… you can just see the moon reflecting its light on the calm ocean surface. Caressing it as if to lure it to sleep. The ocean, no longer roaring and restless, moved in gentle waves, as if to show that it's still alive. Mother Gaia, singing a lullaby to lull her babies to sleep ever so gentle ever so peacefully. Not a thing in the world can make the image go away. Not the war and the bloodshed it had caused to spill onto Gaia. Not the cries of men and women weeping because their families died in the horrific war that the Romefeller Foundation had declared. And definitely not the ridiculed cries of weaklings whom are betrayed by their 'lovers'.He suddenly stopped and turned to view the ocean and its restless attempts to escape from the soothing touches of the moon, but it was obvious its efforts were futile. He could feel the frigid air attacking him, biting into him. His flimsy tank top and spandex does nothing in preventing the wind from doing so. It was true he was freezing, and he has no doubts that if he stayed any longer, he would become a human Popsicle. But, as much as the logical part of his brain is telling him to go back to Zero and go back to Quatre's Estate, he couldn't. It felt impossible to walk away from this serene, lonely scene…

Relena looked out of her Bungalow's window. She sighed and thought about going to bed but decided against it. She knew people must've thought she was crazy. Going to a bungalow in the winter like this. At first Lucretzia Noin, didn't want her to go. But knowing that she's Milliardo's sister, she finally gave up and permitted her to go. She needed the rest desperately, but why would she go to the beach in the winter was beyond her. They owned vacation houses all around the world, why she picked the coldest one and probably the most uncomfortable one in the winter was beyond her. Relena knew that this place would be cold, because it was designed for the summer, but she couldn't resist. 

Relena turned from her window and started to unpack. She didn't take a lot of things, only the necessities, and two pictures. One of her father, not her biological one, she doesn't have a picture of him, but a picture of her surrogate father. The only father she had known and loved. The other picture was of Heero. These two pictures had gone with her on every business trip she took, every vacation, it's always there, on her nightstand. Whether it was her own, or a hotel's. She took out first her father's photo. She stared at it for a long time. She then closed her eyes and in her mind she can still see every feature of his face. Every detail, from the general shape of his face, to his gentle brown hair, to his eyes. She remembered the time the picture was taken. It was right after she and her mother had planed a surprise birthday party. They had so much fun. There had been no secret, no sadness, no Gundam. In his eyes, there had been perfect happiness, not a hint of despondency. She then opened her eyes; her eyelashes opened so gracefully, that it looked like wings of an angel. She then took another look at the picture and started to whisper at the picture. "Father. Father, did you know then that you were going to die? Did you know then the pain you would cause me when you are gone? Did you feel guilty because you left me, left me with only the knowledge that I wasn't really your daughter?" She stopped, she thought a moment, then gave a short laugh," You must've thought that I was a strong character, but coming out here to the beach, proves that I'm not. I'm here for a boy; did you hear that father? A boy. A boy that doesn't even like me. A boy that had threatened to kill me more then once, but…I feel a certain obligation to be here, maybe a chance to see him again… I'm not sure." She stopped, and sighed. Thinking about Heero was never easy. She took a deep breath and replaced her Father's picture on the nightstand. Then picked up the picture of Heero. Suddenly, there was a loud exploding noise that interrupted the silent, peaceful night. The then serene scene turned to a horrifying and sanguinary battlefield that undoubtedly will be covered in bloodshed. In hearing this, Relena immediately thought of Heero and peered out of her window knowing for certain that Heero would appear and save these wronged people, and restore this wonderful place back to its original state.

The noise that so abruptly started made Heero very annoyed and angered. Annoyed because they interrupted him when he really needed time to think and get his thoughts back together. Angered because he was amazed that they would ruin such a beautiful scene for their meaningless child play of a war. Heero traced back his steps and got into Zero. He hurried to the battlefield. Although to the normal observer, he would appear to be concentrating fully, but really, it felt to him that he was on autopilot. His mind was in another universe entirely. 

He chuckled at how human are. How weak and pathetic and they are. They managed to kill the imperceptive of men, only to realize their mistake thousands of years after. People have an entirely different philosophy, then what should be. The wrong definition of everything. Bravery. Anyone would say he was brave. Brave because he is willing to take on anyone, any number, any time, anywhere. He's willing to risk his life if it meant protecting his people and defeating the enemy. But in truth, he was the king of cowards. The coward of all cowards. He's willing to do all of the above because he have no fear. He don't fear his life, because in truth, he have no life, no feeling. Only a sense of mission that has been drilled into him since he was only a baby. That's not what being brave is about. Bravery is measured on a basis whether or not he overcame his fear. But, he didn't fear those things, he was not brave. He had little fears, because most of the basic fears are based upon one thing: the fear of death. He doesn't fear that, instead, he fears just the opposite. One of the few things he fears is his life, and feelings. They seem to go together. But then again everything goes together. It's all based on this cause and effect thing. He fears his life. He doesn't fear FOR his life mind you, he fears of his life, he fears that he will feel emotions, and emotions lead you to vulnerability, the one true, one SOLE fear he has; the fear that caused all his other fears. He fears love, specifically Relena. Relena…of all the times he had tried to escape his miserable excuse of a life, it was her that stopped him from being a complete coward. It was her that stood between him and peace. Every time he sees her, his mind goes blank for a second, then thoughts spur at him from all directions and-

He was cut off, realizing that he has been hit! He looked around to see how many mobile suits he was up against. The beach seemed to be swarming with MS's. He recognized them as OZ and White fang. Apparently, they were battling it out and when he intruded, they've all considered him to be an enemy, and were working together as one against him. He started to concentrate, and allowed the Zero system to come in. but it seemed as if every Mobile suit he shot down, ten more took its place. Slowly, as more MS attacked him, slowly, he slipped into unconsciousness. Even in his state of being, he could feel his back exploding in white-hot pain, he could feel his blood coming out of his mouth. Of course he didn't' care, he was about to leave this miserable life. How that oblivion seem welcoming. He mentally mouthed good-bye. Good-bye to Gaia, and her beauty. Good-bye to the misery he was about to leave behind. And good-bye finally to Relena, she who made him more vulnerable to his emotions, but along the way she also made him more human… 

Darkness.

Relena, who was observing the battle, gasped in horror, as the Zero fell to its knees and lost all sense of movement. Her eyes widened and her heart felt like a bucket of ice was thrown onto it. She turned away from the window in search of a phone. Heero, please be okay. Help will come…soon….

"We got him!" Dorothy squealed triumphantly. Her hands are clasped together, as she can barely stop herself from jumping up and down. She was beyond thrilled. She knew starting a fight with the Romefeller Foundation would attract at least one Gundam pilot, and knowing that Romefeller and the White Fang both consider the Gundams as enemies, they just might eliminate them, if they work together. And they did! "Milliardo-sama would be happy to hear the news." She whispered half to herself, half to the crew. "Battles are beautiful, but winning a battle is more beautiful."

Relena finally found a phone; she dialed Quatre's phone number. Her fingers fumbled over the phone, she struggled to keep her composure. But she knew being frantic wouldn't help her, what she needed now is to be calm and keep a clear head. She could feel the roots of her hair heat up, now her hair feel like millions of little needles stuck on her head. She felt dizzy; she could feel waves of pain sweeping through her. She felt hot, but it wasn't because of the weather, it was because of her. She breathed deeply while waiting for Quatre to pick up. Suddenly, Quatre's voice came through. Relena let out a breath of air, unknowing that she had been holding her breath. The small voice that's being produced over the phone seemed like the light at the end of a mile long tunnel. "Quatre? Can you come to the beach near your Estate? Heero was battling the Romefeller and White Fang," Relena's voice suddenly began to shake, "Quatre, Heero…he…." Relena couldn't compose herself any longer. She started to sob over the phone. Quatre, who's probably the most understanding one of the five pilots, fathomed the situation. He immediately nodded and said, "Relena… I understand. I'll come contiguously. Don't worry, Relena, I'll inform the others too." With that, he hung up, and went to his Sandrock. Quatre knew that Relena cared a lot about Heero, everyone could see that. But, she, Relena Peacecraft, never lost her composure once. And Heero is a very talented and incredibly skilled pilot. If he was down, then it must be very serious_. I might not be able to terminate them all by myself; I will need all the pilots to help me, _Quatre reasoned. Then he turned on his communication link and told Duo, Trowa and Wufei that they are needed. With that, the four pilots blasted off toward the intended area. Quatre arrived there first, since he was the closest. He saw both the Romefeller and White Fang's Mobile dolls surrounding Zero. Just as Relena has previous reported, Heero was down, but Quatre can see that Heero didn't go without a fight. He took out what seem like 500 dolls, but there was still about 600 dolls left. Quatre that he wouldn't possibly defeat all of them by himself, but he knew that the others were coming, so all he had to do was to just stay alive for a few more minutes until the others arrive. He flew toward the increasing mob of MD's that had completely circled Zero, and started to slash his way into the circle…

Relena once again resumed her position at the window. She saw Quatre now coming into view. "Quatre…please, please save Heero…" She whispered. 

Through Quatre's experience. Death to a true soldier should mean nothing. Perhaps that's why Heero would forfeit his life so easily. Perhaps that's why he's there on the sand right now, floating in endless darkness. Peace, Serenity… That's a what made death so appealing to Heero; the fact that his life is so calm, that it became disturbing, that he would do anything to be incomplete peace again. Heero would never consider committing suicide without a purpose. For wasting a life, even his own, is one crime that no matter how generous a person can be, cannot forgive. It is an act of true sin. Perhaps an even worse crime than that of Adam and Eve.

Quatre and Sandrock became one. Every move Quatre made, Sandrock responded. After not five minutes he came here he had already made his way into the center, eliminating a number of dolls along the way. In any normal situation, he would feel remorseful about his destroying, but he came to understand, that they are dolls. They are nothing but _machines. _After a while, Quatre was so engrossed in his work; he didn't even sense the others coming. The only thing that crossed his mind that made him realize that the others have arrived was the fact that more dolls are destroyed than before. 

"Hey guys, you take care of the dolls, and I'll take care of Heero, all right?" Quatre, for the first time acknowledging their presence. The other answered back, "'K buddy!", "Ok, Quatre" and a "Hm" from Wufei. Quatre jumped out of his Gundam and climbed up to the cockpit of Zero where Heero is currently residing. He prayed silently for Heero to be alive. He knew that the chance is probably small, but Heero can make it, it's happened before. He finally got the cockpit to open; inside laid an unconscious Heero. Quatre checked for a pulse, he found a pulse, a faint one, but there is one. He carried Heero out of the cockpit. He secured Heero to him by using some strings he brought, and use the string from the cockpit to ascend to the cockpit. 

Relena smiled for the first time since the incident happened. Quatre had succeeded in rescuing Heero! She quickly ran out of her house without her jacket to wave to Quatre, to motion him to leave Heero to her. When she got out of the house, the sudden sting of frigidity rushed into her, piercing through her thin blouse. As appealing going back into the safe haven of her house is, she fought against her will and stayed. She started to gesture with her hands wildly and shouting to Quatre, "OVER HERE! QUATRE!!" But her loud outbursts not only attracted Quatre's attention but also apparently whoever is monitoring the dolls.

"Relena-sama… Well, well… Princess Relena of the Cinq (Sank) Kingdom is here too… This could get very interesting…." Dorothy murmured in surprise as she saw Relena's image on her monitor, she then smiled sinfully and let out a laugh, that had caused looks from all around the bridge. 

The next thing Relena knew, all dolls seem to be walk or flying toward her. Her eyes widened, she let out a loud gasp then-darkness…presumes…

Quatre, Trowa, Duo and Wufei all saw Relena and her abrupt fall. They all rushed toward her. Blasting as many dolls into smithereens as they possibly could and still be flying in top speed. In no time, the Gundams all caught up with the dolls. They each took on about 70 each. Trowa went straight for Relena. No one objected. Trowa slashed through the dolls like they were nothing but ash. When he finally reached her, her body was already limp. He picked up Relena with Heavyarms. Even though Heavyarms is an enormous machinery. It is capable of even the most dedicate moves such as picking up a fragile creature like Relena. He held her in such a position that it seemed like Relena was been held by a mother. Trowa and Quatre blasted off while the other two covered for them.

"So, the royal knights rescued their precious Princess again. Oh well, if Relena was hurt, Milliardo-sama wouldn't be very happy anyway. Let them go and protect their Princess. But that pilot, Princess Relena's most beloved Knight shall never see another sunrise again!" Dorothy smiled, followed by an ear-shattering laugh that once again earned confused looks from her comrades. 

After the two saw to it that that Quatre and Trowa left safely, they too, blasted off following them. 

They took the two unconscious bodies to the closest hospital. They first made sure that it was neutralized. After all, they wouldn't want to put Heero nor Relena in any danger. They went to a hospital called St. Gabriel's. The doctors confirmed that Heero is in critical condition. He had a huge head trauma, plus his back was almost completely burned. His head injuries may be too severe for him to ever wake up. All the pilots are saddened by this news. Duo was hit the worst; after all he was Heero's best friend after all. Quatre couldn't stop blaming himself for not getting there in time to save Heero. Even though his condition look impossible, but Heero's been known to do the impossible. Relena on a lighter note, just experience stress overload. She's not exactly in Comatose; instead she's just sleeping. Though she may sleep for several days until she wakes up, because her brain just recently experienced major emotions overload. 

They had put in a special request that Heero and Relena be kept in the same room. The four pilots and Noin each took turns guarding the two in the hospital. That evening it was Trowa's turn again. It had been a week already and there was no change in neither of them. The doctors appear to be more and more doubtful that Heero would ever wake up. Though they didn't say it directly, but they all got the message. Trowa looked at his watch, it was twelve midnight. He decided to go out and get a cup of coffee. 

Relena slowly opened her eyes. She wanted to get up but her body argued vigorously against her. She tried to think back on what happened and remember why she was in a hospital room and in such a condition too. Little images suddenly came back to her. The beach house…Zero…Mobile Dolls… "Heero!" Her eyes widened as the realization hit her. She was at the bungalow when a battle broke out, and Heero was shoot down. But the others came to help. She had went out to tell Quatre that she was there, but when all the dolls seem to be aiming for her…she had fainted, thus hospital. She had no idea how long it has been, she turned her head to get a feel of the place. She saw the door, and the hallway, the chair beside her, with Trowa's coat on it, she then turned to her right and saw Heero. Heero, laying on his bed, Heero unconscious still. "Heero…" She whispered lightly. She once again tried to get out of her bed. This time she succeeded. The thought of Heero so helpless and right next to her made her body somehow motivated. She stood up and walked to Heero's bed. She sat on a nearby chair. She held his hand and started to pet it. Caressing it. She noticed for the first time how beautiful his hand is. His long, slender hand...so beautifully sculpted. Her eyes traveled upward and found his face. Right now, he's peacefully asleep. Maybe in the fight for his life right now. His usual solemn face now in deep sleep, Relena realized for the first time that he was after all, only a fifteen year old boy. She thought about all the times Heero had saved her from her own death. Yet here she is, perhaps watching the last moments of Heero's short life- _oh God… what am I talking about? He is _going_ to live! _The hopeless and helplessness just make her more miserable, knowing that she can't do anything to help Heero. Suddenly the room was silent. There was no noise except the constant beeping of the monitor that's monitoring Heero's heartbeat. The silence just made Relena more miserable. Her eyes are filled with tears that are just fighting to escape from her eyes. She tried her hardest to keep herself from losing it completely because going out of control and overwhelmed with emotions are not going to help her. But-

Time froze when all of her tears seem just to all curst out of her at the same second. Her tears fell in slow motion all over Heero's hand and cover. She couldn't keep it in anymore she buried her head with Heero's cover, sobbing silently. "Heero…"

When Trowa finally came back from his trip to the vending machine, he saw Relena up and besides Heero, sobbing. Trowa who went into the room unnoticed decided to keep quiet and not disturb Relena. He wanted desperately to go and comfort the sobbing and obviously depressed girl. But he knew better than to disrupt her. She needed to let her feelings out. It's the only way she can truly move on. 

It was yet another two weeks at the Hospital for Relena. She was in the hospital for observation; also she was there to look after Heero. The situation with the White Fang and Romefeller Foundation gets worse and worse. For a while in the Hospital she almost wished that those two would just kill each other already. She knew that was wrong, after all not only will that result in millions of lives lost, also her own brother Milliardo was the leader of the White Fang. Even though she knew the Gundam Pilots were busy, but somehow, they almost seem to spare one to be with Relena in taking care of Heero. Her room with Heero is now covered with flowers. Endless amounts of people come in everyday to see her. Her room is now filled with little gifts. Duo had bought her a Two-Mix CD to cheer her up. Quatre bought a cute Teddy Bear with "Ai Shiteru" on it. Trowa had bought her a Jack-in-the-box, with a little clown with half painted face. And Wufei, well, he had just bought her a book called "Feng Shen Yan Yi." [AN: Chinese literature. It has a passage about Nataku] Her favorite though, was the Two-Mix CD Duo had bought. In fact, she's listening to it now, while reading Feng Shen Yan Yi. 

Can't Stop Love!!

All my love can never be away

From your love, you never know my words

I wanna touch your love, can't never be without you everyday and night

Can't stop heart!!

All my heart can never be away

From your eyes, you never feel my kiss

I wanna touch your heart, can't never be without you now so hold on me

There is a silence that I feel forced

When we have break after time we two laugh

Thinking myself we are close and tight

Pretending like only friends

Wish I could say I love you my dear

Wish you could say you love me more

Feel so sad 'cause I don' know how you

Feel for me every time we meet, you and me

Can't stop love!!

All my love can never be away

From your love, you never know my words

I wanna touch your love, can' never be without you everyday and night

Can't stop heart!!

All my heart can never be away

From your eyes, you never feel my kiss

I wanna touch your heart, can't never be without you now so hold on me

There is a silence that I feel tense

When we have break after time we two talk

Hoping myself to be close and tight

Acting like we're something more

Wish I could say I love you my dear

Wish you could say you love me more

Feel so strange 'cause I know how I love

Feel for you like a big romance, you and me

Can't stop Love!! Al my love can get no way returned

From your love, you never make me calm

I wanna take your heart, can't never stop loving you everyday and night

Can't stop heart!!

All my heart can get no doubt to love

In your eyes, I see the light for love

I wanna take your heart, can't never wait tonight so now just hold on me 

Can't stop love!!

All my love can never be away

From your love, you never know my words

I wanna touch your love, can't never be without you everyday and night

Can't stop heart!!

All my heart can never be away

From your eyes, you never feel my kiss

I wanna touch your heart, can't never be without you now so hold on me 

She sang the song to Heero while holding his hand, hoping maybe her voice and the melody of the song can somehow wake his deep slumber. Hoping that maybe by some miracle, that Heero would just open his eyes, and everything will be alright. 

Then as if somehow, as if Heero had heard her, he slightly squeezed her hand. The gesture was so small Relena almost didn't feel it. But the warmth that had returned to his hand was unmistakable. Her eyes widened at the anticipation as her head and heart danced to the beat of "September Dance." His eyes fluttered open, if slowly, but he woke up. He finally woke up! After what seemed like eternity Heero's eyes are finally opened. "Re-Relena...?" His voice seemed raspy and short-of-breath. Seeing Heero so weak and calling her name tugged on her heart. But she knew she had to keep it together, if not for her, but for Heero. She smiled weakly at him. 

"Wh-What happened? Are you Ok?" Heero asked. 

"Shh… Don't worry about me. I'm okay; the other pilots are taking care of me. I'm healthy again, anyways," Relena shushed him.

"Relena… I know I don't have much time left," he paused for a second. His eyes are looking directly into Relena's, maybe trying to figure out, just how she feels about him, "I just want to wake up and to tell you I love you, before I go. So… Ai Shiteru Relena." 

Relena was so shocked at this; she barely knew what to do. In fact, she had a feeling that this was all a dream. Then the though hit her: Heero _loves_ me. Her smile spread from ear to ear. She squeezed Heero's hands and said, "Heero…I-" just when she was about to make her feelings known to Heero, she had felt the sudden decrease of warmth in Heero's hands. Her smile disappeared as newly made tears spilled down her face. 

The tears that came endlessly down her face shook her entire body, now limp on Heero's ghostly body. She had sobbed and cried all night, now as the new day started, she couldn't believe, that Heero had died, and with his dying breath, he had sworn his love to her. 

"I-I love you too, Heero," she gasped in between sobs. She regrets that she never had a chance to explain her feelings, but deep inside, she knew that somehow Heero knew too. She remembered that just before his hands went cold, there was a sparkle in his eyes. Maybe, he knew after all. 

Thinking back

On all those times

All the things

I never did, I never said

Now you're gone

To heaven above

I can never say

I love you

And that I miss you

Of all the things I regret

I regret this most of all:

I don't think I ever said 

Just how much I love you,

Never did I explain

Thought you always knew.

Did you?

Now, I'll never know.

Though this is too late, I know,

But, this won't hurt:

I love you,

And whether I have to

Walk through fire

Treat through water,

I will always love you.

So even when you've walked through heaven's gates,

I know you'll always be with me.

Always.

Now that I said that, 

I have nothing to regret.

Now that I've said all I need to say,

Good-bye my love,

Hope God's with you. 


	2. Heavens Above

This is the sequal to Regrets. If you dont' read Regrets, you won't know what this is about. Someone asked for a sequal to it so I did. This is short, but I think it makes up for a proper ending, or sort of. Please review! Flames are accepted too.  
Disclaimer: I don't know Gundam Wing. If I do, You'd see Heero and Relena kissing a long time ago.   
  
Someone once told me,  
That God knows everything.  
Someone once told me,  
Every time a bell rings,   
An angel gets his wings.  
Tingle-ling-ling…  
The bell just rang  
I wonder…  
Could it be Heero that just got his wings?  
I wonder, I wonder…  
If God really knows everything,  
Does he know that my time is done?  
Is he planning my death right now?  
Someone once told me,  
When you die, you might go to heaven above,  
And you'll meet all that you dearly love,  
And spend eternity,   
Being with the ones you love.  
Well, God…  
I wish I were dead.  
I wish to be with all that I dearly love.  
I wish, I wish.  
I hear a voice,  
Whispering my name,  
Is that you Heero?  
Or is that you, God?  
Are you calling me, to join you?  
In heavens above?  
Relena slowly walk toward the edge of the roof. In a trance-like manner, she listened to the wind, as if it's whispering to her, telling her all its secrets.   
Angels, Angels,  
I see you.  
I shall join you,  
Lead me onto the path of the golden road.  
She walked on top of the edge, and looked above, she smiled in such manner that seemed like she was greeting someone. She closed her eyes and she jumped. She thought of happy thoughts, and all the happiness she shall have, once she reached the bottomless floor, and flew up to the heavenly gates of the Eden Garden, where she shall requite with her beloved Heero, and her lovely parents. Where she shall await her friends, and laugh all year-round. How she wait that moment, when she can finally see all that she want, all that she wanted to see.   
The angels with their feathery wings,  
They carried me up from the floor,  
And helped me fly up to the golden door.  
There she stood at the opening of the great, golden gates, where she sees the light shimmering through. Where her destiny shall await. 


End file.
